Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge...

I'm losing it...I'm soooo tired of my parents controlling my life, but is there anything I can do about it? Nope..nothing. And it's unbelievably hard for me to just bite my tongue and let them treat me like a puppet. I just wish that they would understand that it's MY life and I'm not a child anymore, like they still treat me. I wish that I was smart enough to get all A's so I could get scholarships for college. I don't know if I really want to be a teacher anymore or keep getting student loans, because I honestly don't want to have to worry about paying them off. I want to be able to get (and keep) a job and go to school, all at the same time. I want to be out of this house! I don't think that my parents and I will EVER see eye-to-eye on certain things. I'm tired of people pointing out to me of how little teachers get paid and I'm tired of letting it get to me. I'm highly considering changing my major AND transferring. My emotions are sooo up & down these days and it's because I can't even afford to buy my medicine (the whole $10/month that it costs). Most the time I just feel like either sleeping or crying, which is probably not a good sign. There's nothing really I can do about ANY of this. I am currently applying for scholarships but I don't know how well that's going to help. I have a job, a kinda part-time (2 weekends before I go back to school) one. But that's going to be hard to get to since I have no money and no car. And I can't move out, because I have nowhere to go and again....NO money. So basically, I'm screwed, and I don't see how that could possibly change. Just when I think I'm going to get to live my own life, make my own decisions, and be treated like an adult...this is what happens. I need to get out of this but I can't. I'm losing it....

Remember Who You Are

Skinny Jeans: Too Suggestive for Mormon College

I support this...and whatever they decide. But..the article made it seem like we are made to follow the Strength of Youth, when in fact it's recommended and encouraged for very wise reasons. If you're wearing really super tight jeans, you could possibly be allowing bad thoughts to creep into someone else's mind, that wouldn't have been there in the first place. I can definitely see why some (seems like SO many) people are upset about this, because the campus hasn't come out and broadcasted that it's a set change in the honor code. But, if they do..I will be behind them all the way! Also, I think some are over exaggerating about this issue and assuming that ALL skinny jeans are going to be banned because of this news article. If it's in the news, it's gotta be true, right? WRONG. The news (and journalists) sometimes push things farther than they truly are in order to catch the attention and interest of viewers/readers. It will be okay, everyone..it's NOT the end of the world.

Philosophy: Food for the Soul

So...this is my journal/essay about idealism and realism.
After reading the material and before this big, exciting discussion took place I thought I was completely a realist. But when you brought up your friend, Sam, I started to question myself. I believed in him and started to make a mental picture of what I thought he looked like. I immediately thought of when I read books or novels and then they make a movie about it. I’m always excited to see the movies but I end up being disappointed, almost every time, because it’s not what I thought it would be. You see, whenever I read books, I develop this picture in my mind of all the characters: where the live, and what goes on. I even get disappointed because the movies aren’t as detailed as the book, but that’s just my thinking, and what all I think the movies should include. I think everyone is guilty, at one time or another, of developing a mental picture of something that they have no idea what it actually looks like. I don’t think that anyone can tell themselves quite enough to not be in pain, once they have a broken bone. That kind of seems a little crazy and absurd to me. I guess that’s my realist side coming out. Although, in my math class last semester, my teacher told us about these studies being done to see if a certain surgery, drug, or vaccination healed people. They did some single-blind and some double-blind experiments on a sample of different people. They would give some the medicine or surgery and others nothing. What they ended up discovering was that many of them, who didn’t receive treatment, were saying they felt completely different and better. So, I guess them thinking they got the treatment made them think they were better. This is a good example of mind over matter. I think that children will develop their own ideas, like imaginary friends and thinking they are right about everything, because that’s what they see in their minds. This might influence my teaching methods one day, but I am not too sure about that yet. I had never really thought about realism and idealism to an extent until this class. I love how you open the discussion up to the class and the enthusiasm you have that makes the whole experience really exciting. I think my best friend gets tired of me talking about the things we learn in each class. I am definitely able to learn better with the class teaching one another, than if it was just a lecture-based class. I have never really had such deep thought processes until this class. Almost every day I ask myself the question, “When am I an idealist and when am I a realist?”

Elder Tristan James Seigfried

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." -Henry David Thoreau.
---This is my guy best friend, and he is entering the MTC on the 21st of this month, so in 4 days! I hope to see him before then, because I haven't seen him in a year. But...I am very proud of him and that he's going on his mission! He loves the gospel and I'm sure he is going to have opportunities to help others love it just as much. I know he's been excited for this and wanting this day to come for years now and it's finally here! It's unbelievable how fast time can pass us by. But, I love this progression that is happening and I hope he enjoys every minute of his mission. I know he has a strong testimony and I know others will be touched by the sweet spirit that comes from what he knows to be true in his heart.

D & C 28:15-16, is one of his favorite scriptures and it works perfectly for this point in life for him. It reads: 15- And it shall be given thee from the time thou shalt go, until the time thou shalt return, what thou should do.
16- And thou must open thy mouth at all times, declaring my gospel with the sound of rejoicing. Amen.
I believe that he will succeed in doing what this instructs. I hope that he will be able to get through tough times with the help of the Lord. "Hold your Lord's hand, He won't leave you." I strongly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ and I love being so lucky to have it in my life. I have faith that Tristan will be a wonderful, inspiring missionary because he already is a wonderful and inspiring person, filled with the spirit of our Heavenly Father. Tristan has helped me a lot in the four years I've known him and I am SO excited for him, that this is finally here! I've been reminded by my very best friend, Pauline, that Tristan was a missionary in my life when I was going through a "dark" stage and he was always trying to get me back on track. I am grateful for that and him, in general, he is a wonderful person! I also know that he wouldn't be as influential as he has grown to be without the love, knowledge, and respect his family has provided him with throughout the years. His family has always been who I call my 2nd family. They have always been so kind and loving towards me. They have helped me through a lot and given me SO much, I could never really show how much I am thankful for having them in my life. I love the Seigfried family with all my heart. Tristan has always been so strong in the church and has always had such a firm testimony, he is an inspiration. ...I love you Tristan! You are great, never forget it. I'll see you soon. :D

Near-death experience

So today I went floating down the river at Monkey Rock with some friends. I hadn't been there before, and didn't really know what to expect. And well, I don't think that was a good idea. You see...I accidentally took the raft that had a hole in it and the rapids were worse than I thought they were. In result, I got sucked under for a bit and it was really terrifying. Whenever this was happening I was thinking, "Am I really about to die? Is this my time to go?" ...What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? And more terrified, of course. lol but although it was super dooper scary, I think it was a good experience. I also think I have a greater appreciation for my life now...not that I didn't have an appreciation before. I don't know why this happened, but I do know I'm okay, at least for now. I am still a little in shock from it. I am also a little iffy on going to places I have never been to before, or maybe just rivers. I guess I will see what comes from this. Anyways...I am very thankful for my life and all that I have. I'm thankful for my family and friends and love them all. I'm also thankful for Matt, who was attempting to swim back to help me. [:

Life in the 'burg!

Spring 2011:

Roommates:

From left to right: Lindsey, Caitlin, Kelsi, Me, and Emily. [:

And this is Jackie; She was doing homework when we took the above picture. [:

Lindsey, Me, & Kelsi [:

Caitlin, Me, and Lindsey. [:

Me & Kelsi [:

She is my room roommate.

And this is the awesome leading tower or Pisa rasterbation that Jackie created & is on our living room wall. She actually took this picture when she went on a trip there.

Extracurricular Activities:
Attention: Before you look at these, we didn't rob a bank or steal anything; It was just some good, clean fun...I promise.

Me, Jackie, Lindsey, and Kelsi. [:

Lindsey, Jackie, & Kelsi [:

Like my style? bahahaha [:

Lindsey, doing her original "Ski" Move. [:

Ice Caves:

Me [:

Me, Caitlin, & Emily. [:

Thayne, Me, Emily, Caitlin, & Matt. [:
I don't know where Harry was.

Ceiling of the ice caves!!! [:

Quotes from P.S. I Love You:

Daniel Connelly: What do women want?
Holly Kennedy: [whispering] We have no idea what we want.
Daniel Connelly: I knew it!

My insight:
I'm pretty sure men don't know what they want either.